I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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