singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
