Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
