My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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