awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
BRING THE BAGELS
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
