If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
