Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
