every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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