I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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