Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
