Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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