A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
