Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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