Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
