Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize