I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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