oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
