i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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