If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
