We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
