i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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