I want to have your abortion
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
