hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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