my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
