at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
