i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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