Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
