This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
