Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
