I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
