You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
