You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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