You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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