Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
