there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
