Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
