1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
