I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
