No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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