he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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