In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
