sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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