only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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