U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
