If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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