You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize