I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
