This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
