just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
