paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
