yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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