I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
