I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize