this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
