i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
