So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
me + whiskey = a bad person
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
