Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
no, he came in my armpit
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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