Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
