3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
