how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize