Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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