babies were throwing up all over the place
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
