thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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