He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
