just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
