i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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