Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
