My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
