i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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