Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you never un-have a 4some
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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