Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
