What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
