I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
