I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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