glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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