i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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