He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
