In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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