mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
