i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
