I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize