I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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