id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
