two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize