Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
