Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
