I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
